|i think i might've been adopted.
||[Dec. 26th, 2006|02:25 am]
|Ok, so I guess I should start this off by saying something along the lines of "Merry Fucking Christmas."
If the "Fucking" part offends you, then I'll say "Merry Christmas" instead.
If the thought of Christ offends you, I'll say "Merry X-mas" or "Happy Hannukah."
If Jews offend you (like they do Mel Gibson), then I'll say "Happy Kwanzaa"
And if blacks offend you (like they do Michael Richards), then I'll say "Fuck you."
If that offends you, then I'm happy.
So basically, I don't mind Christmas too much.
It gives my parents a great excuse to shower me with pretty much anything I could possibly not need,
except what's on my "Christmas List."
And then I get to laugh at how well they think they know me.
Yes, you read that correctly.
It's taken me 20 years of Christmases to see the complete flaw in it for me.
I don't quite understand why I have to make a fucking Christmas List*, if I get one thing that I write down and the rest are just random pieces of shit with missing receipts, so I can't even taken them back. I thought that happened to everybody. But no, people actually get shit they want. Goddamn, I got the bad end of this fucking deal.
Fuck. This. Shit.
*-and yes, my parents force me to fill out said Christmas List. It's absolutely ridiculous that I write down things exactly how I want them, and they find something that they'll think I like better. They are most likely wrong.
It's not really an option. We do them every year. Even when I'm not living at home.
Who goes into H&M more often, Mom? Me or you?
Who would better know exactly what they have and what she wants, Mom?
Yeah. That's what I thought.
I just don't quite comprehend how it's hard to read my Christmas list and screw it up.
Basically it says something along the lines of:
A new iPod. (Preferably Black)
Gift Card from H&M.
United Nude Boot- Fold Hi. Size 91/2.
Starbucks Gift Card.
The Office (US version) DVDs. Seasons 1&2.
South Park DVDs. Season 7 or 8.
Little Miss Sunshine DVD.
NIN Downward Spiral-10th Anniversary Edition.
Slaughter House Five by Vonnegut.
Grapes of Wrath by Steinbeck.
And what do I recieve?
Starbucks gift card. (check)
The Office. UK Version.
South Park. Season 4.
Tennessee Titans Hat.
A wallet. (I get one every year. I send one to Goodwill every year.)
Three purses I will never touch.
Chocolate. (I'm not much of a chocolate fan.)
A couple of random books off the best seller list (which I don't ever read off of.)
The new John Mayer CD. I hate John Mayer's music. I'll even go as far as to say, I loathe John Mayer's music.
A Napoleon Dynamite Calendar. (speechless)
Bracelets where one is neon yellow, one's neon pink, and one's neon orange.
Yeah. I know.
Compare those two lists for just a minute.
I need a cigarette.
At least half of the stuff I get for Christmas every year can go straight to Goodwill.
I wish I was kidding.
My parents never save the receipts because they're "just absolutely sure" I'm going to love everything.
I think I might've been adopted.
And if you don't believe that my Christmas List could be taken so terribly wrong,
then when I get my camera back from my friend who borrowed it, I'll take pictures just to prove it to you.
Merry Fucking Christmas.
and for the record, I don't care if it offends you. I just wanted to make a point.